Since it's New Years Eve

and I have company I'll write a couple and finish them later :P

1. Keep a 365 day photo blog

2. Cherish every second of every day

3. Don't care so much what others think

4. Figure out what I want and pursue it

5. I won't let myself cry over boys

thats all for now

Now the one you once loved is leaving.

"Suddenly, a cloud must have cut a hole in my head,
When i was tangled all in your words.
How quick to forget,
We are,
With eyes unimpressed
You're sealing the conversations.
And are you wondering how things could be?
Just staring at the surface,
When all the walls have tendencies.
But it's not your fault when no one taught you how.

And now the one you once loved is leaving.

You're so sure that I'd be just fine here.
But you were surely just taking your own time dear."

The name of the song feels like everyone in my whole life right now.

The lyrics point out once person specifically.

I need to get over this, I need to forget, I need to be strong.

I need to grow a pair, or I'm afraid I'll be cold and bitter my whole life.

Horoscope

Don't you think its really creepy when your horoscope is dead on?

Today mine was:

"Travel plans and communications equipment are likely to be unreliable today. You might be able to find detours, but it will help if you leave a little extra time to get from one place to another. Make sure to drive defensively today. You won't be your most patient."

What a coincidence! You know since I got lost in a creepy little town thanks to mapquest, and I didn't have my phone! Thank God I had Emily and Davis though. :)

Does my life suck or do these things happen to other people?

Have you ever connected with someone, like broken down in their arms?

Then the next day they act like nothing ever happened.

Well thats me and my mom's relationship right now.

I've always been more introverted.

I never really connected with my mom, or my dad for that matter.

Then when I open up to her she welcomes it with open arms, then (I guess) completely forgets about it the next day.

Don't get me wrong, we have a good relationship.

I went through counseling for years so that we could.

Finally a breakthrough on my part, and what does she do?

I'm just feeling like nobody cares these days, except my cat Midnight who is asleep on my arm as I'm trying to type this. Then again he probably just wants to be fed.

:(

Messin' Up

You know how theres always that one person who messes things up for everyone else?

Well right now that person is screwing with my life; mostly my heart and my mind.

They're in my thoughts, everything reminds me of them.

They're in my dreams. They're haunting me.

I can't shake it.

Why? What did I do?

I just want to see him one last time before he goes away.

Because of him I can't let anyone that is good for me into my life.

I wish I could just let him go for good.

Have you ever?

Just needed a hug?

To assure you that the world really is okay?

To show you that someone out there still cares?

To help you make it through another day

without cracking under all this bullshit?

I got a much needed "hug" today.

Not a physical one though.

I just needed to know that

at least someone still cares about me,

even when the person I want it to be the most

doesn't.

Thank you for the "flowers." The "hug."

Your texts were exactly what I needed.

Its amazing how awesome some people's timing is. :)

Beautiful People

I know some really really beautiful people. These are the people that are good for me. People that understand and cherish friendship like I do, people who aren't centered around drama. Which is another thing I learned from my Aunt.

Thank you. :)

Inspiration

I am constantly seeking inspiration, and there are few people in my life who continually inspire me; one being my aunt Beth.

She has impeccable taste in art and everything else. She never ceases to amaze me; I love her beyond the expression of all words. Nothing can change the way I feel about her. She has influenced me so much over the years, and I wouldn't be who I am today without her. She is the source of my imagination, my beliefs, my spirituality, and my creativity.

Anyway: My point was that she has a few pieces of art in her h

ouse by an artist named John William Waterhouse. I find his pieces so beautiful and inspirational. I wish to be as good of an artist as he is one day. The first is called The Mermaid, the second is Hylas and the Nymphs. They are quite possibly the two most beautiful pieces of art I have ever seen.

I'm a firm believer that

people hardly ever mean what they say. I feel like there are a lot of people out there that If they had a choice and weren't influenced so negatively by some that they would be able to decide what they wanted to believe instead of whats popular to believe.

"What people say may not always be true, but what is left unsaid surely is."

Something I struggle with everyday is being able to accept the truth.

It's hardly spoken to me, and that makes it so much harder.

*Two very different inspirations for this blog, that's why it seems choppy and all over the place. But three blogs in one night just seemed a lot.*

Things Fall Apart

AKA- Everything falls apart eventually, and always too soon (for me at least.)


I don't mind change so much, just when people I care about leave. I guess it's because I try to be the best friend that I can be and that I care about all my friends. Then they turn their backs on me and leave me wondering what I did wrong. I've slowly begun to see it happening again in the past couple weeks. I'm sick and tired of it. I just wish more people cared about me the way I care about them.

I just wish everything could last a little bit longer.
Thats all.

One step forward, two steps back.

December 2, 2009 (My 17th B-day)
That's how my night ended last night and how my day started out today. It was an awful feeling, and I truly hate it. It is no way to spend a birthday. Throughout the day I realized little things which all came together in the end. I came to the realization that I appreciate everyone I know. Every person I know has taught me something, especially my friends. Past, present, and future; I am glad you are all in my life and a part of who I am. Past friends, I miss you and I hate that things changed and I hate that I lost you. Present friends, I learn new things everyday from you and I am growing constantly even though some days I feel like I've tumbled down the mountain of everything I strive to be. You are what drives me. Future friends, I am excited to hear your stories, learn your lessons, and be a part of your lives and adventures. You all really do care about me and I am so thankful for you. Thank you for a great birthday, thank you for Jeffery, thank you Mom, thank you Emily, thank you Kelsey.